side effects

I’ve been anxious and twitchy for a week so far. I can’t stop the nervous tics. I can’t relax long enough to think properly or speak in complete sentences. My eyes are red from the irritation caused by constantly blinking.

I have bipolar disorder, and I had started taking a different antidepressant to go along with my mood stabilizer. Unfortunately, the new med isn’t going to work out due to the side effects. I stopped the new drug on Friday, but I’m still having withdrawal symptoms.

It is extremely difficult to sit still and do my work while in this condition. My supervisor, who has been very understanding, is letting me work from home the rest of the week. This helps because I won’t have to worry about interacting with anyone in person right now. I don’t need to be back to the office until next week. I’m hoping I will be in better shape by then.

In the meantime, I’m drinking before bedtime in an attempt to calm down and sleep. Don’t worry, I’m still in control, but don’t tell my psychiatrist that I’m self-medicating.

I said I wouldn’t

I said I wouldn’t start another blog. You’re supposed to have time to heal when a blog ends … read other people, see new things, maybe discover something profound about yourself in the process.

But no, not me. As soon as one blog ends, I feel a need to jump right back into another. I guess that’s what happens when I’m going through a medication adjustment and drinking multiple shots of whiskey before diving into the deep end.

I’m totally unprepared to commit to a new theme, but I’m desperate to start something new. I don’t even know what this looks like on a larger screen.

If you think this is rambling and incoherent, wait until I’m sober. You won’t be able to tell what the fuck I’m talking about.

Now I need to lie down before I hurt myself. I suggest you do the same.

Three shots should be enough for now.