do you see the people? where are all the people?

If you don’t write blog posts, you won’t get visitors, and my stats are pretty barren. The WordPress app is now mocking me, showing me a big middle finger where my stats are supposed to be.

So yeah, it’s been a while again. I won’t bore you with the play-by-play, but in general April was not the best, and May isn’t starting off great either. Injuries, illnesses, finances, plans gone awry, lots of things out of my control, and lots of little frustrations that I’m dealing with.

My mental health has been surprisingly stable, until recently. The usual depression is taking over again, so that’s no fun. Everything seems so fucking pointless, and I feel like an insignificant part of a mindless, uncaring machine, grinding people’s hopes and dreams into dust. A cheery thought, eh?

Work is work, as usual. I do it for the health insurance and psych meds, not the glory. I’m just thankful I can help make more money for the shareholders and executives.

In the meantime, I’ve had a lot of back pain lately. I’m not going to bother with seeing a doctor, because they’ll say the same thing as before: exercise, strengthen your core muscles, lose weight. The reality is that I suck at those things. I would do the exercises half-assed for a few days, then lose interest while I’m eating my stress away. Fuck it, I’ll probably die of heart disease soon anyway, probably with a slice of pizza in my hand.