I’ve been struggling with the anxiety and twitchy symptoms and the jumbled thinking for about three weeks now, and I thought it was simply a reaction from trying a new antidepressant drug. Yes, I’m aware that antidepressants sometimes don’t mix well with bipolar disorder, and this was one of those times. In addition, I had stopped taking an antipsychotic drug at the same time I started the antidepressant.
I finally made it to my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. My doctor believes that I have tardive dyskinesia which was caused by withdrawal from the antipsychotic and made worse by starting the new antidepressant. He doesn’t really think it’s a manic episode; I’m not sure, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. Whatever has happened, it appears my brain is more susceptible to TD than in the past. Looking back, I know I have had these symptoms in the past but not as bad. We now know that I can never take an antipsychotic again, and antidepressants are probably off the table as well.
He gave me a new drug to treat the TD, which continues to be disruptive. The severity matches the amount of stress I am feeling, which tells me there is an anxiety component to this. It’s possible that the anxiety is in part caused by my uncertainty of being able to work due to the TD, which creates a worsening feedback loop.
I will take this new drug for two to three weeks in the hope that it will prevent the TD symptoms or at least reduce them as much as possible. In the meantime I am still having trouble concentrating enough to read or write or work or even watch a baseball game. It was difficult to make it through work today without needing to hide in the bathroom or an empty conference room. Fortunately I work from home tomorrow and Monday. I hope the TD medicine has some effect before I need to face the world again.
Sorry if this post is disjointed or rambling, but I’m not well right now.
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